Well....from 4 p.m. until a little after noon tomorrow I have the annual band bonding. I always hate going...until things start to be fun, and then everything is better. But it always sucks 'cause it's the first weekend after classes and there are a ton of parties tonight. I've personally been invited to three...but really like 10 through roommate association. But, alas, I cannot go. I have to bond. With band people. And make my stake at being senior class rep for symphonic band. And teach these new trombone players how to be cool. I think the first year who is third chair thinks he's better than Dan and I. Maybe he is. Maybe Dan and I just had an awesome audition. That's entirely possible. But we don't care. Screw him. The Wind Ensemble 1st and 2nd chair trombones and the Symphonic Band 1st and 2nd chair trombones are definetly the leaders of the sections this year....not because of our chair placement, but because of who we are. Or, more importantly, who the other guys (and gals) are.

Anyway, that's today and part of tomorrow. Now I gotta go. Peace.

I don't know what's happening...either I'm growing up or I've become a prick. I think I've grown up. For some reason this past summer I actually cared about my job. Kind of. When push came to shove, I actually followed the rules, which cause one customer mutter in disgust, "Some people take their jobs too seriously!"

But I don't! It's SA! I hate SA! But I'm not going to bend a rule just so Joe Customer could save a buck. Maybe I would've in the past, but it's just not worth it.

Something similar happened tonight at the library. A newer girl was working (she started last May Term) and she allowed a student to take a book from the permanent reserve collection without checking it out because the student just wanted to photo-copy it, which is literally like 5 feet away from our desk. Seems reasonable, right? But it's against the rules. You have to check everything out, even if you'll bring it back in a minute. I've always thought it was dumb rule. I used to break it for my buddies.

But not tonight. I just couldn't let it slide. I had to correct the girl (I hate doing that in front of other students because I know it embarrasses the worker) and made her do it right.

So have a grown up? Or am I just a prick?

I hope it's the former.

Tonight I was thinking about when me and my brothers would be back hangin out again. I miss that. Like this past Christmas...that was fun.

That's oldest bro on top, middle bro getting smushed, and I'm the handsome one, of course, in front.

I think I miss it even more right now because my roommates seem to be going seperate ways from me, I don't have a best friend, and none of my English major friends are in my classes. I'm like "The Guy" now that the people in my classes look up to. It's strange. Not that I don't enjoy the limelight...especially in my grammars class...but still. Very strange.

Holy crap. The best possible thing happened. I checked the audition results today after my class. Dan got first chair and I got second. Granted, I would've liked to have beaten him out...but I've already gotten to be first chair once and he never has. So booyea!

Well...I'm already falling into old traps. I was supposed to read something like 40 pages tonight for my World Lit. class tomorrow. (The first day of class, might I add) But instead I read about 10 of the pages, and I'm going to read the rest on Spark Notes...because that sucks. And because I smell from volleyball tonight and I have to shower tonight....otherwise I'll really be gross for my 7:45 class tomorrow...'cause you KNOW I won't shower before that. God no. Thank goodness I have at least an hour and a half break between that class and my next one.

Tomorrow is also the start of band. I had my audition this evening. It went really well, I think. I only hit one wrong note....my scales went well...and I did pretty decent on the sight reading. I KNOW I did better on the sight reading this year than any other year. The only thing that could've made the whole thing better was if I played with a bigger sound. But that room is so dead. And I've been worried lately that I was playing the music in only one dynamic...so that's why I didn't play as big as usual. So my prediction is....I'll at least be in the upper 3rd of my section. The ideal situation would be me and Dan, the dude I mentioned earlier, playing first. But that won't happen. It'd be awesome...but it won't happen. Strangely enough, the thing I DON'T want to happen is to be put in the touring band. Of course, that has an absolutely zero chance of happening...but if it did, I wouldn't be happy. Too much responsibility. Too much work. Too much time. I like staying down in the minor leagues. We have fun.

Alright, I gotta skim this reading...then shower....and then I may take my composition notebook out to the train tracks and create some characters for my next project. I might even start plotting out my chapters....oooooh! I know....I figure I need at least 10 chapters with at least 10 pages each.

Last night....last night.....last night was an interesting one. I started drinking in the afternoon....but was never serious about it. I didn't really feel like partying or anything...so I was just sitting around watching t.v. and nursing a beer...or so I thought. Then like at ummm 10 maybe, somebody stopped by and asked where everyone was and wanted to know if I was interested in going to a kegger. Hmmm....really, the main problem with that is I didn't want to walk all the way across campus and across the street and down the street and to this house...but I also wanted to just get out. So I went. Turned out to be a bad idea. It was fun, yes. I did see a lot of people, yes. But there were too many people with "Spikey Hair." In other words there were too many football players and wrestlers there....and the type of girls that associate with them. Not my type. So after a while I decided it was lame and walked back to the room. And that's when I realized how bad off I really was. Whew!

So I went to bed. Before 11. Before a ginormous party came to our room. I guess a ton of people were here. But I slept right through it. Oh well.

And now I'm missing the band stuff that I was supposed to partake in. I almost made it though. Actually I really meant to go this morning. I woke up at like 8 and felt fine...but went back to sleep for a while and dreamt that I had woken up again and was there playing my trombone. And then I woke up for real and it was 5 minutes before I was supposed to be there playing...which meant that I was at least 15 minutes late already. I feel kinda bad about it. More than kinda. I know the director will have too much stuff on his mind to miss me....but the other trombones will. Dan, the other senior t-bone in symphonic band (my band) will miss me because it's been us (and one other dude who just graduated) against the rest of the section and band for 3 years now. And we were going to play bass together. Huh....now that I think about it...I'm a jackass. I'm going to call him up right now and leave him a voice message.

So I just read an email from my uncle that said an African kid that he knew from when he was a little boy was going to Wartburg this year. My uncle used to be a missionary in Africa....so that makes sense...but the chances of someone he knows going to Wartburg is basically zero. I'm pumped. I plan on going to this kid's room tomorrow and introducing myself. I've already sent him an email. I think we have a good amount of kids from Africa so he'll be alright. Otherwise that's quite a change.

For those of you who make comments, you'll notice something has changed....in an effor to reduce the amount of spam comments, I've resorted to Word Verification. We'll see how that works. I know that when I leave my site open to random visiters, my hit count goes up at leat 30-40 people a week. That's a good thing. The other day that dude from Germany left me a comment. Awesome. I love the comment tag. I should've done that before.

In other news, there's something I need to get out there once and for all. Especially since recent events involving my ex "best friend" have caused this to happen more frequently....I smoke on occasion. Smoke ciggarettes....not other stuff. But still. I do smoke. But not really. It's an odd situation. Ever since 2nd year of school, I've done it on occasion. When everybody would leave the room of a party in the dorm to go smoke, I had the option of staying there alone or going outside with them. I chose to go outside. Of course it was always offered to me, but I said no. Sometimes I'd just go out with a couple of guys...it was offered, but I always said I wouldn't inhale, so it'd just be a waste. But they didn't care...so I'd smoke it cigar-style. Eventually it got to the point where whenever i had a beer I'd crave a cig....even though I never inhaled. Ever. Last year during Fall Term I broke my habit...but then when I was out in Denver I found that asking if I could bum a cig, or offering a cig was a good way to start a conversation with somebody. Actually, lots of the writers at Westword used that as a starter for a story. Then this summer, when I was out in Colo. Springs, I bought a pack out of boredom and depression. I blame that on the "best friend." Again, let me stress that I don't inhale. I actually like the taste of beer and the cig. It's strange, I'll readily admit that...but it is what it is. But the whole Best Friend situation prompted me to smoke more and more. Last night before and after our conversation...I smoked 5-6 cigs. It was bad. So here I am...6 smokes away from buying another. I know that working at SA made everything worse...cause I thought about it everyday....but I know I will buy another pack.

You know what it is? Oral fixation. I sucked my thumb for a REALLY long time growing up...and when I stopped that, I started biting my finger nails. Now that I've stopped that...I've started "smoking" more often. It's also a good excuse, though, to go out to an odd place and think for a while.

Chew on that for a while.

Well last night sucked big time. I've been preparing myself for it for a couple of months now...but that didn't stop it from hurting. For those of you who don't know what's going on, I had basically cut one of my Wartburg friends out of my life...for the time being, that is. It would've sucked if it was just a normal friend, but this was my so-called "Best Friend." Not now.

Too much crap has happened between us in the past few months. Too much. I couldn't take it any more. I drew a line in the sand and she didn't cross over it with me. So that's that. I don't know how long it will last, but that's the situation right now.

Also, because of that whole situation, I've been censoring a TON of stuff and feelings lately. Now I'm not going to bring up any of the past stuff or things regarding her because that's none of your business. But now I can be free to post more stuff. So this can cease to be a purely SA journal now. Yay!

Speaking of college....I have my own room this year. Personally, my favorite part of the room is my computer set-up in relation to my fridge. Fresh beer is only an arm's length away. Always a good thing.

Along those same lines....I'm supposed to play in band tomorrow morning. Although it's not required, we're supposed to be there. I don't want to go. For a few different reasons. The former "Best Friend" included. We have a rehearsal this afternoon that I'll probably go to, but the chances of me going tomorrow morning range from slim to none.