I went to Denver today to visit Meredith. The visit was.....meh....I was forewarned that it wasn't going to be anything special, so I really can't complain. But I think I talked to her less today than I have in a looooong time....and I was around her for like 10 hours. Try and explain that to me. Yeah. And then when I left it was just like....well, I'm leaving. Bye. And that was that. I dunno....
To make matters worse I was way tired the whole trip home and my mind was jumping from odd topic to odd topic. Like, for example, pretty much the definition of ironic.....ok, during the ride home I was listening to A Tribe Called Quest's album, The Love Movement. It's a great cruising around town album....and it's the one that I would always listen to on the way to Anna's Dad's house in Castle Rock (take Cedar all the way until it ends and take a left) and it was about a 40 minute drive. Now that was a great house...out in the country....lots of good memories during the summer took place there....anyway, I digress...so this house was in Castle Rock, MN. The first city south of Denver is Castle Rock, CO.....I dunno, I thought the circumstances and cities made me listening to the CD a little ironic, but half of you probably have no idea what I'm talking about....so nevermind.
The other thing that was haunting my thoughts for the majority of the drive is my future career. Ah yes, that old fear. The problem right now is, though, the people closest to me have made some comments and are expressing their doubts. The person who most recently made a comment about me not having in future plans, probably didn't realize what that means to me. To make matters worse, even my own father has openly expressed his views on me being a writer. The day he and my mom left for Europe last week, I talked to them for a while. I have no idea how we got on the topic, but he told me that he disagrees with my chosen career path nearly as much as what my oldest brother is doing right now. Hmmmm.....let's compare: Aspiring novelist telling stories for others to enjoy VS. Army officer killing people. Obviously I made that comparison biased and I know that what my brother is doing isn't that bad and it's not what he wants to be doing. But really, how can my dad say that being a writer is nearly as bad as being in the army?! It blows my mind. Then he went on to explain how his two brothers also had some lofty dreams and were just working their current jobs until they could get going on the work they're passionate about. I know he just wants me to be successful, and I also know that the chances of me succeeding in what I'm trying to do are rather thin...but I wish my parents could stand behind my descions. In the past he has made comments about how he'll be surprised if I ever get published, yes, but he's never come out and said that he doesn't want me to be a writer.
Like I can choose what I love to do, anyway. Don't you think I know that it'd be easier if I were a business major or a biology major or an education major? But I was failing economics until I withdrew from the course. I haven't been good at any sort of science course since middle school. I hate being in front of large groups of people and I'm definitely not good with kids. I wish what I was good at (or so I like to think) was more easily applicable to different kinds of jobs. But it's not really. The problem is, though, is that if I'm not destined to be a writer, then I have absolutely no idea what else I'm supposed to do. I'm not really good at anything. Writing is what I do. In the one history course I took at Wartburg, the prof. tried to get me to become a history major because she really like my writing. You know what saved my grades in my two EASY science courses? The papers.
Really, I've known ever since 9th grade that I was going to be a writer. I fought the idea, though, and tried other fields...but I always came back. Do you remember in junior high and high school when the teacher would give you the choice of drawing a picture or doing a write-up for a project? I always did the write-up. It was easier for me.
I dunno....obviously this is an on-going issue for me. Maybe Saienga and I can team up and write screenplays or something. I've known ever since I first met him that he was a better writer than me....but I bet he and I could come up with something really great....maybe....