Ok, this may sound crazy and a little concieted, but hear me out on this one. I wish that I wasn't so good at trombone. Ever since I started playing, I've always been first chair. Now, that doesn't mean I was a spectacular player by any means,(I know many trombonists that can absolutly blow me out of the water) but it meant I was I big fish in a small pond. I have never really been challenged. That is the problem. I have always been able to just play the part. No practice needed, just sight-reading and my own musical knowlege. In my private lessons it was the same way. I never practiced and my lesson teachers just accepted it as my playing ability....they just let it slide and didnt' expect anything of me. In fact, I remember one instance where my teacher wanted me to play in his little recital. Instead of giving me a hard piece and giving me a challenge, he had me play a little duet with him. We practiced it twice and it was good to go. Now, I'm not saying that all my teachers were bad, just a couple. Jim Tenbensle was an awesome teacher....but I think I was too young to take lessons from him. And I always sensed that he saw me only as a package deal with my brother. I definitly did not get the attention from Jim that my bro did. Granted my brother is a way better musician than me....and he would've been awesome if he had chosen his trombone over his voice...but thats another story.....so here I am in college. I'm finally around awesome musicians, not that LHS crap of a band. My director expects something of me and my lesson teacher expects even more out of me. This is something new. I've never had to really work to be good. That is why I wish I was a poor musician and I had gotten to where I am now purely out of hard work and practice, not skill. So now it is extremly hard for me to practice stuff, even though I cannot sight read it. My lesson teacher, while he never says it bluntly, is dissapointed in me. He sees that I have great potential, but I seem to not care...I DO care, but I have gotten used to just playing the stuff, not thinking about what I am doing. That is my beef with myself.....Can I change my ways? I don't know. I DO know that if I ever want to be first chair, Wind Ensamble, than I will have to change. Only time will tell............